...Than Be With Him

I wish I could say I was one of those people who are completely and totally not shallow. Beauty is only skin deep, don't judge a book by its cover, etc. etc. etc. Unfortunately I'm not like that. I've been with some not so attractive people in the past but generally it's a no go if I am not extremely physically attracted to the person. I guess that can be called shallow but I think it's more about knowing what I want.

Chris (not his real name), is not what I want at all. About 3 weeks ago in a haze of boredom and an extreme need for sexual stimulation I called one of those telephone chat lines. I started talking to Chris and we stayed on the phone until almost 5 in the morning. There was an instant connection and we talked like we had known eachother for years. A couple of days later, after a lot of wondering and misunderstandings, we finally got to talk again. I was really excited about hearing from him, until he sent me some pictures. My stomach instantly dropped after opening the email. He warned me that they were old and he had lost some weight since then, but even taking that into account, it was still shocking, and disappointing. The only picture I liked was the one that he wasn't in, a picture of his truck.

If he ever reads this I'm sure he'll know I'm talking about him, so let's just hope he never reads this. He can be best described as unfortunate looking. He's one of those guys that always looks fat even though he's average sized. He has a haircut that was popular in the heyday of nsync and the backstreet boys. Think Nick Carter, circa 1998. Floppy bowl cut, shorter underneath, with blond highlights. HIGHLIGHTS. I don't like naturally blond guys to begin with, but to see a guy who purposely highlights his hair blond is just so unappealing. When he smiles it looks like his face wasn't designed for that kind of expression. It looks wrong, and weird and creepy. Seeing him for the first time, my stomach just dropped to the floor, thinking this couldn't be the guy who described himself as fairly attractive. Fairly attractive compared to what? I guess I should have asked that. I have never given him any sort of compliment about his looks but he keeps sending me more pictures, and videos, lord knows why. I'm not sure what made him think I want to see a 30 second video of his ten bottles of axe, but I wish he would stop.

I might have been able to look past his appearance somewhat if he had a better personality, but there are about a million things about him that bother me. He can talk for 5 minutes straight without a word from me. That's not even an exaggeration. And he talks about hypothetical bullshit, like who he thinks listens to the songs he writes and why he wrote them. I usually fade out after about a minute and a half, because he talks about things that are completely irrelevant and have nothing to do with what I was talking about. He also takes the opposite side of the one I'm on in every single conversation. I tell him that I'm scared to approach my parents about new boyfriends because of their reactions in the past, and he instantly takes my father's side, and starts generalizing the reactions of parents. When I tried to tell him that this is a different situation, an exception to the rule, he corrects me with more generalizations.

We got into a very heated argument about whether guys and girls can be friends. I believe they can. He says it is impossible, and uses science to fuel his logic. I use real life examples, otherwise known as facts. I'm friends with a guy who I care for a lot. He is very sweet and caring and has been there for me when no one else has. He has told me numerous times that I can talk to him about anything and to call him if I need to talk, no matter what time it is. His girlfriend happens to be one of my best friends. She is completely cool with me being friends with him and doesn't mind if we hang out alone. He's a great guy and a great friend and I'm thankful to have him in my life. Chris says that guys only become friends with girls with the intention of getting into their pants, whether it's sooner, or later. What bothered me about his argument was that he wouldn't listen to my point of view, instead interrupting me to repeat the same stuff he just said. It really pissed me off that he was trivializing a friendship that means so much to me, claiming it's forged on the desire for sex. He didn't respect me, or my opinion in that conversation, and it completely turned me off.

I'm horrible at breaking up with people, or saying I'm just not interested. Instead I usually just stop calling them, and ignore their calls and emails until they go away. I feel bad doing this to him because he is a nice guy, but he's a nice guy with a million dealbreaker flaws. I don't know what to do about him, so I've resorted to getting angry at petty, ridiculous things and hanging up on him, hoping that eventually he will get the point. It hasn't worked yet. I'll keep you updated on the Chris situation.

I Would Rather Sleep Forever...Than Be With Him